Pillow Talk: Sex and Intimacy

Wellness pillar: Physical and mental

We think we want to have sex but really what we want is rue intimacy.

Let's be honest, many of you think you want to have sex because sex feels good, intimate, fun, mysterious, sexy. Your body is craving the physical activity but what we're really craving is the intimacy factor. However, a lot of us don't know what intimacy actual means because we confuse it with sex or standing naked in front of someone. Which yes, of course is intimate but let's go further.

If we truly unlock what intimacy is, it's a closeness, a deep connection, a true connection with yourself and others. Intimacy is meant to be shared with yourself first and others second. Have you ever had sex when you haven’t had intimacy? Typically you may feel empty and not be sure why. Closeness is a vital component of any long-term relationship. It’s necessary for the safety and security that fuels a committed in a monogamous partnership.

• Closeness is playing it safe

• Intimacy means staying curious.

• Closeness is routine, even in bed.

• Intimacy acknowledges your own desires.

• Closeness is keeping your fantasies to yourself.

• Intimacy is letting your fantasies run wild

With intimacy, there’s a substantial degree of mystery in the relationship. And, that allows for high risk, high anxiety, low predictability, newness, and novelty.

Intimacy is about truth. The truth to …

feel safe

be smiled at

be seen

be looked at

be admired

be loved

… that’s what we crave.

Something we both deeply crave, is the notion of wanting someone to have sex with my mind first and my body second. It's in those conversations, when someone is mentally stimulating me that all truth comes out and allows me to be me and them to be them. This intimacy cracks open the door for me to be comfortable enough to let someone else accept me for me. This then opens the door to pure pleasure when you feel ready for that type of intimacy.

What if instead of the act of having sex you actually experience sex. A new level of depth. To think to yourself "I want someone to experience me and I want someone to let me experience them." This adds depth to your interaction with someone. A depth many of us haven't experienced much of.

Intimacy is saying, “I understand that you’re a new person today. You’ve had a full day of experiences. You are a mystery for me to discover; you’re a gift for me to unwrap.”

Y'all this episode is filled with sooo much more spicyness. Take a listen here!